Saturday, January 10, 2009

Takin' A Bath...


I love cowboy baths.

Those big tubs full of hot and soapy water... Lots of bubbles so you don't spend the bath staring at your noodle... A shaving kit balanced on the side (next to what used to be a beer or a glass of red wine) and an hour to kill, letting water out the bottom occasionally so that hot water could be added as needed...

I try and have one twice a week, so that I can shave properly and clean the gook out between my toes and underneath my fingernails (because let's face it guys, showers are spent washing the genitals over and over, aren't they?)

Cowboy baths make one really clean, and that's good for someone like me.

Momma likes bath too, I've discovered. She likes them every morning after she's been up for twenty minutes or so. She likes them extra hot so I boil water in the kettle on the stove and add this to the water from the hot water heater. She likes all kinds of frufru women's stuff in the water that make her oily and slippery too.

Trouble is, she can no longer get in and out of our tub by herself, so I have to lift her into the tub and then lift her back out again.

This would be fine if Momma was a little old lady. She's not. She's 5-9 and about 160pounds. That's all weight I have to lift in an awkward way, and I've been waiting for a disc in my back to fly out of there the way a watermelon seed flies when you strike it with the round part of a spoon...

So far so good, but lately, I've been designing a mini-crane in my head (like they use for livestock that needs rescuing)...

A sling and a crank.

Yeah.

4 comments:

meno said...

I never stare at my noodle during a bath.

Jeannie said...

If I had a noodle, I'd probably stare at it a lot and touch it too. Alas, I've only got a couple of boobs.

I love a hot bath. But they don't make them deep enough for my liking. It's really hard to get my neck under water.

Why don't you install a safety rail in the bath so your Mum can help herself in and out?

Cheesy said...

I know they are mucho spendy but have you thought of the new walk in tubs?

My mom is having one installed soon...
No wonder your back is going to shitsville dearone!

citizen of the world said...

Does your mother know you posted a pictureof a horse in a sling by way of illustration?