Mums The Word--

I got lucky. My Mum sings like an angel. When she sings, you know you are in the presence of a singer. No shower faux accoustics for this lady. I mean, think American Grandma Idol... The Captain and Me Mum...

Mum is also the second sweetest person I know. And no matter what I've been up to, she's forgiven me. In fact, my Mum forgave me by the time I was two, for everything I would get up to after that.

How cool is that?

A Mum with prescience...

One of my new contributors to AELEOPE has shared a wonderfully written anecdote about her Mum. Her Mum would eat me for lunch. Her Mum would eat me for dinner. Her Mum would poop me in the morning like a kernal of corn.

I think I like her Mum already. Here is her blog-- http://capricorncringe.blogspot.com/index.html

And here is her Mum as only a daughter can see her...





Sat-Sun, Latin and the Art of Chewing Gum
I never win with my mother. She is never wrong. I shouldn’t say ‘never’ because that isn’t strictly accurate. My mother is correct 98.43% of the time. This has been documented. She is also wickedly funny and this, too, has been documented.

When I was twelve and a bigger smartass than I am now, I told my mother I knew I was adopted. Without missing a beat she replied, “Yes, but we’re not going to tell you until you’re twenty-one and you can handle it.”

Several years ago, I was trying to figure out the meaning of a Latin phrase. My mom took Latin in high school (oops, just dated both of us) and she’s very good at language etiology. So I called her and said, “You speak Latin, right?”

“No wonder you kids don’t understand a thing I say,” she responded.

A few years later we were driving down one of the main drags in town, in an area that is mostly residential. We passed a house that had apparently been converted into an antique store. A sign in the yard said: Open Sat-Sun.

I said, “What’s Sat-Sun?”

“I’m not sure, but I think it’s in February,” she answered.

My mother called me the other day. I always screen my calls and so I let the machine answer. After about ten seconds she said, “Oh, I forgot to talk.” She said something after that, but I was laughing too hard to catch it. I’ve made fun of her for a week over that little episode – and for a week, she has taken it graciously and with good cheer. I sent her an email and scrolled about halfway down the page, where I wrote, “Ooops. I forgot to type!”

Today I was chewing a piece of gum and concentrating on something else. Most people don’t need to concentrate on gum-chewing. I missed the gum entirely and bit my lip so hard it bled.

Tonight I had dinner with Mom. A woman walked by the car as we were getting out. My mother stopped talking. When I looked at her she said, “That woman was chewing gum. I just wanted to see if she would bite her lip.”

Somehow, some way, she always wins.

I will never mock my mother again. At least not with gum in my mouth.


(DON'T FORGET TO PEEP ME! IF I DIE AGAINST A BUTT AND A BUNCH OF BOOBS... YA'LL WILL HEAR ME WHINE UNTIL THE SUN DON'T SHINE...) ---over there-->>^