Everybody seems to be compiling lists these days, and everybody else seems to find these lists fascinating.
Perhaps the detritus that piles inside our skulls has a secondary purpose besides simply driving us crazy and coloring our dreams?
So, to come hither and join the cyber-pack, accompanied by some recent photos I took with my new toy, here is a list of things you may or may not care to know about truly yours...
I have lost my big toenails at least seven times per foot.
I have stood on the edge of the Pacific, thrown a rock, and hit a Japanese guy in the head.
I have eaten baklava in a balaclava.
There was a time in my life, I could do well over fifty one-armed push ups, and up to ten one-armed pull ups.
I have never broken a bone in my 44 years.
Except for ear infections (damn them!) I have visited the doctor twice in 24 years. Before that, I never went.
My elbows do not open all the way and my knees do not fold up all the way.
My favorite sexual position involves a man and a woman and only two feet on the floor.
My favorite airport is in Hong Kong.
My favorite food of all time is Ebi sushi.
I once vomited eighty feet underwater.
I once fell almost twenty feet and landed on my ass, all because of a girl who was looking at my ass when she should have been doing something else.
Heights don't scare me, but I am afraid of bean bag chairs.
I cry everyday, whether I want to or not. I cried every commercial break the other night, watching Hallmark card commercials. Man, they just slay me. Kelly Clarkson on idol this week had me sobbing and blubbering.
I seem to find myself smack dab in between most major political issues. I'm either just "non-committal" and wishy-washy, or sane and rational, and I can't decide which.
I cannot eat boiled okra without wanting to gag.
I still feel like I haven't grown up yet.
I used to occupy my time waiting in airports by getting into everybody's good-bye group photos. I was always the tall guy in the back who didn't look like everybody else making the Vee sign.
I still haven't jumped out of an airplane but I know I eventually will.
I have an extremely high tolerance for pain.
I am allergic to cigarette smoke. It makes my nose run and my eyes water, and puts me off food. It gives my sister asthma attacks.
I have killed one bird and one snake- both, sort of by accident, and one squirrel, definitely on purpose, with a gun. I have killed two baby deer, a squirrel, and a kangaroo with a vehicle, definitely not on purpose.
I have taken acid two times, and enjoyed both times. The first time was when the Rainbow Warrior was blown up in Auckland, New Zealand. I heard the blast and said "What The Fuck Was That?" That's about all I remember, except for what I later read. The second time was on a California beach during a full moon.
I have met Owsley, the man who made the blue dot famous in the late sixties.
I used to work for famous people, who trusted me to be discreet. I won't tell you who they were but you have heard of all of them.
I once walked into a brothel in Sydney by accident, and then hung out and played a game of backgammon with one of the girls.
My brother is the only person to have ever hit me hard enough to count. He gave me a black eye, and I tried raw steak on it.
I started reading when I was three. My first month of kindergarten, I had to read "Green Eggs And Ham" to my class to inspire the other kids. I lost my place on one of the pages and just made up stuff. Only the teacher knew.
The only time I was ever in trouble with the law was when I went joy-riding at 14 in a stolen El Camino. I didn't steal it, I just went for a ride in it. The trouble was, the guy driving crashed it while I was in it and his sister told on us. She later became my hair dresser, and the cops thanked me at the station for being so honest.
Oh yeah, A cop in Queensland looked up my anus once and didn't find anything.
My eyes are perfectly equal. I have no dominant eye which gives me really good eye/hand and depth perception. I am, however, and have always been, slightly nearsighted.
My siblings and I are all about 15% Indian. The rest is Scots-Irish and English and I am the lucky one of the three when it comes to tanning and natural sunburn protection.
I was a jaundiced baby and had to stay in the hospital for three weeks. It is now thought that I was allergic to the chemicals used to clean the cribs in the hospitals.
I grind my teeth at night.
I qualify as an introvert, and need lots of quiet time. My favorite past time is reading anything and everything.
I fall asleep in cars within a short time if I am not driving, and if I am driving, I get into a dream state and can drive for a long time.
I can identify most common lumbers simply by smell.
I am better than anybody I have ever met at running down steep and rocky hills. I used to practice this as a kid and imagined that there was a world competition for this.
I see relatively clearly to almost 180 degrees, meaning, I have good peripheral vision.
I believe in religion but I have never found a religion I believe in.
Every time I go into a big 5 sporting goods store I question my existence. It has to do with athletics, but I have no idea what or why. Big 5 is where I have my existential moments and buy all my sports shoes on their sales table.
I am a miraculously sound sleeper. There are indeed sleep stories out there, that I slept through.
Kids under ten dig the crap out of me.
I think snakes are awesome.
I am seldom wrong about my feelings towards people. So much so, that I trust myself to actually make that judgement. Which is odd, because I find the idea of that irrational.
I am groggy mentally until almost 10 am but am sharp as a tack between noon and six.
I lost my temper once and pushed a girl. Normally, I restrain myself when dealing with others, but in this instance, I let it rip. She slid a lot further on her belly across a linoleum kitchen than I had ever imagined. The far wall stopped her and I was confounded by two things. How she had managed to hit that button, and just how scary that button was. She forgave me way before I ever did.
I've never liked my mother's second husband but have always been civil to him. I am facing the prospect of caring for him and I don't think I have it in me.
I was once shocked with 240 volts through one hand and out the other. The current went through my heart and I moaned uncontrollably. I fell off the current and went back to work after fifteen minutes of cussing under my breath.
In my 20's, I was frequently stalked - by gay men.
I wish I could sing and I wish I could draw like an artist.
I do really well on IQ tests but really badly on memory test, though I remember my own life with way too much detail.
I instinctively know what to say to hurt someone's feelings. I've tried to not use this against people. My brain just compiles bits and pieces and makes people's weaknesses obvious.
I used to dream I was going potty and then wet my bed. It was always the same. A vivid dream. A realization. I stopped when I was about ten. I hated sleeping with plastic on the mattress. It was crinkly.
Crazy people think I am really cool. I used to attract them and get hammered by their craziness. I've learned to shut them off before they get started. It took me awhile to understand that I gained nothing by being suckered in.
I can't stop punning, even if I wanted to. Nowadays, I just keep them to myself.
I wipe from the front, through the legs. I have short arms and it just seemes easier. Some guys call this a girly-wipe. I beg to differ.
I have a slight southern accent though I have never lived in the South. I've visited, but never lived there. I think I'm just a bit lazy and it seems easier.
I dig trees up out of drainage ditches and bring them home and put them in buckets. I give these away as my mood and circumstances allow. I'm a bit of a Johnnie Appleseed in that way. I love seeing trees I've rescued growing crazy somewhere.
I'm dirtier than most people. I have trouble staying clean even at the best of times.
I tend to listen to one album or one artist over and over. I don't tire of what I like. I just like it more because I know it better. Same goes for dishes on menus.
I have a really good wine palette. Coincidence and serendipity played major roles in developing this. I really prefer beer.
People who are naturally antsy feel calm when I am around. I have a calming influence on nervous people. I am probably too calm for the real world, at times...
My hammer at work is almost twice as big as everybody else's.
The older I get, the happier I've become. I'm starting to actually get the cosmic joke, I think. I figure I will be able to explain it pretty good, just about the time I croak.
While talking to a famous winemaker, I spontaneously combusted. He said to me - "Are you on fire?" I said "Shit! I am!"
My hair is turning grey at an alarming rate, and I've heard rumors about follicles abandoning ship, though I won't look.
The only girl I have ever been insanely in love with thought I was insane.
My two dogs adore me.
My center of gravity is too off center to do a cartwheel. My CG is at least 6 inches higher than my middle.
I'm like a bear in that I lumber around and seem lethargic and clumsy until I am asked by circumstance to act. In those moments, I am amazingly graceful and athletic, even with beer swirling around in my belly. I scare people in those moments.
I like to do naked carpentry.
I have a green thumb.
I have never been too proud to not dig a trench, and I'm still not. I'd rather work in a ditch with a couple of honest and hard working Mexicans than work in an office with a couple of girly-men, even if they are wealthy and know Bill Gates personally.
I usually leave a party knowing I said one of the wittiest remarks of the evening, and people usually remind me of what I said, days later.
I am fatally attracted to attractive, crazy women.
I once had a 140 mph tennis serve.
I once tried to teach myself the piano as a kid, and the only song I could play (and can still play) is the theme from M*A*S*H.
I have never met a jar I couldn't open with my bare hands.
My body temperature is .2 degrees higher than average. My normal is 98.8.
I am one of the few men I know who admit that the sexiest part of a woman is truly the vagina. I mean... come on guys, let's get real...
I pee outdoors more than I pee in a toilet.
My favorite book of all time is Joyce Carey's "The Horse's Mouth".
My favorite movie is "Harold and Maude". Second is "The Big Labowski".
I don't smoke pot because it puts me to sleep within five minutes.
I have trouble being nice to ideologues and nutjobberdoodooheads from all political angles. I should have been a Libra the way I try and balance out views from all sides.
I give bums money only if they can make me laugh. Sometimes, I'll make them try four or five different days before they get me.
My father thinks that I don't like him but the truth is that I love him dearly. I just can't agree with him on lots of stuff, which is entirely different.
I love bananas.
The only vehicle I ever want to own is a small Japanese 4wd like my Nissan that I have now or perhaps a Toyota. I barely fit inside, but I don't care. Nothing else works like they do.
I don't believe in life after death.
I can't believe anybody finds this interesting...
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Everybody seems to be compiling lists these days, and everybody else seems to find these lists fascinating.