Duct Tape, 9-11, and Coffee Kiosks...
A sobering thought-- The most pious among us six years ago were 19 men who died in religious orgiastic ecstasy while killing 3,000 people…
That is my thought about the ugliness of religion for today.
Work is still a real gas. The best thing about my work is who I work with.
Our resident Rastaman is also named Scott, but I do not allow him to be called “Scotty”. That, I reserve for myself. There are lots of “Scott” people. To be a Scotty, you have to have a bit of some ineffable odor about you…
You can’t just put on a fake hat and hair and hope to get away with it…
Our conversations at work still go on like the odd things that they are--
“I had to move my truck so I went down and got me a coffee…”
“They have a couple of pretty cute girls working the kiosk, don’t they?”
“Yeah, baby… I asked the girl if she was making minimum wage and then gave her a buck fifty tip, because you can’t live on minimum wage.”
“You bought a coffee for a buck fifty and then tipped her a buck fifty?”
“Yeah. They love me down there now…”
“Do you KNOW how many 50 year old married guys tip a buck fifty and make that claim? They don’t love you. They love the fact that you have balls and a penis.”
“They’ll remember me, though.”
“Yeah. As the old balding guy who tips 100%. Sort of like remembering the fat guy who farted or the dancing girl whose boob fell out of their top…”
“You’re a bastard.”
“I know.”
***********
“I always park real far away from the kiosk and then make the girl LEAN WAY OVER to hand me my coffee.”
“I can’t, my truck is too tall.”
“Then I ask for a straw, and then I ask for more cream, and then I ask for a second straw because one is too hard to suck out of.”
“You’re a bastard.”
“I know.”
*********************************
“What happened to you?”
“Oh, I hurt my back on Sunday.”
“What’d you do?”
“I was trying to cut a big limb away from our house with one of those pole saws. The damn thing was dull so I got tired way before I got finished. I threw a rope around the branch and tried to pull it hard enough to break it. The only problem was I could only pull from inside the house. So I had this rope going in the front door and I was pulling as hard as I could and I tripped over my damn daughter’s big wheel and fell over.”
“Did you break the branch away?”
“No, it’s still there. I figure I’ll wait for it to die some and try again.”
****************************
“My Wife called me a “fucking stupid idiot” last week for the first time.”
“Wow. I thought she liked you.”
“She did until menopause.”
“Oh.”
********************
“What’s the deal with Viagra and old men? I mean, who WANTS their grandpa asleep on the recliner all afternoon with a four hour hard on?”
“Kids who want to play horse shoes?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
***************************************
“I heard San Francisco has a gay mafia.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it.”
“What I wonder is, is a whack job a good thing or a bad thing ?”
“You stole that from TV…”
*******************************
“Duct tape.”
“Masking Tape, because .”
“No way.”
“And it’s cheaper.”
“Duct tape., all the way…”
“No fucking way.”
“Fuck you. You’re wrong.”
“You suck, along with your Duct tape.”
“Duct tape will save the universe, I swear…”
17 comments:
LOL these conversation snippets are hilarious!
By the way, I think I have that same rasta hat & dreads.
I love this! This is just exactly how I imagined your days go and it's nice to be rewarded with some of the details.
BTW, duct tape. Duh.
And the girls at the coffee kiosk know they're bending over really far to give out the coffee, but they do it so they'll get another big tip.
But, if the guy who tipped them 100% is the same guy who makes them get extra cream and straws, that's what they'll remember, that he's a pain in the ass, not a big tipper.
Just sayin'...
sounds like the conversations I have with my family.
Except that my husband and oldest get to hear
"you're such an ass"
Love the do man! It could probably double as a safety device while on that ladder. Just tie the ends off securely!
Haha! You almost made me spew my coffee. He looks and sounds like a lot of fun. You guys sure must have lots of fun at work.
is duct tape the same as gaffer tape as we call it in the uk? did you read my comment on your previous post relating to Led Zeppelin?
Nope, they love the fact that he tips 100%.
Hi carol! Glad to see you are still healthy in Dubai. ANd yeah, you said you have a chance to have a cnance to get Led Zepellin tickets?
Is that right?
That sounds like a chance in a lifetime thing. I say "cool" and let me know what seat I am in when I get there...
Oh, and yes, its the same tape...
you have to go to www.ahmettribute.com and register for the ballot. not easy to get on though.
So was the guy that tips 100% the same that makes the girl work so hard and lean over? If so, then she deserves the tip.
Whoever said duct tape, they're absolutely correct. It will save the world.
Nothing like being around the real people of the world, is there?
Electrical tape! I can always find the duct tape...
Blue painter tape
(really, just cuz there were 13 comments and I had a superstitious moment..)
Sounds like variations of conversations that sometimes occur on my porch. I go with the duct tape, too.
Lol....Duct Tape! Lol, just on Sunday I was in plaza and as it was sprinkling i couldn't help but notice this poor fellow taping up his window on his truck with clear packing tape. His wife looked pretty peaved & I couldn't help but pop open my trunk & give him my last little bit of duct tape I had in there. I knew that in about 5 minutes time, he would need it.
Btw, my last serving job ended with a customer much like the fellow who always asks for another straw. hahaha
off to add you to my blogroll. must stop by lizza's on the way to thank her for pointing me in your direction
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