I'm Good...

The only time I ever fell ill with depression I told y'all about. I figured out over time that a man is still human. We feel, and those feelings need to flow somewhere.

By my ignorant guestimation, I was lettng the sadness of life IN, as a young man, and never letting it back OUT. Over time, it crushed me like a balloon taken to the bottom of the sea.

There was an event involving a dog, back then too, that made me slide down the contours of a wall and sit on my ass and just cry and cry and sob and weep...

Every hurt I had ever tried to suck up for someone else came ejecting out. Every sad thing I ever knew about, got tossed back up. The sadness in strangers. The sadness in living until death. The sadness we inflict upon one another. It all came pouring out of me and I let it. It was the end, for me, of a year and more long depression. It was the release I was looking for, all locked up for a lifetime and cut loose like those crazy people and those Spanish bulls...

I cried and cried for over two hours. It all came out of me in one long moment I'll always remember.

After that day, I pretty much cry everyday. A song will touch me. A thought about a friend or an animal. I think about the little things that set off my family from other families and I cry.


Watching my dog Tuti wag her tail used to make me cry.

Sometimes I know I am quite the sight, a big hairy dude with streams of tears flowing down his cheeks, little child sobs blubbering out unimpeded from a mouth surrounded by graying facial hair.

I stopped caring who saw me long ago, and I learned what made me happy and content in this world.

I enjoy the feeling of being able to feel. To feel ALL of the emotions. To be angry when angry. Sad when sad. I've become a bottle without a lid. Tip me just a little bit and I start emptying out into the world.

All of this to say, I want to thank ALL OF YOU who left me such kind messages and hugs and words of sympathy lately. The lot of you have truly made me cry, many times over.

But you know what?

I like crying. I really do. Life IS sad, sometimes, and to truly live you have to feel what life is.

Y'all have allowed me to feel sad and to feel grateful that there are people who-just by reading some of my words- truly care.

Life is good, even when it gets hard for a time.

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Many of you may have run through all of these "Britain's Got Talent" clips already. There are some really touching moments. This guy touched me in some of my softer spots. He sings about loss in a wonderful way. Check him out.








And if you really want to see what you are made of, I dare you to watch Connie without tearing up just a little.





To all of you who left comments that I didn't respond to, I just wanted to say thanks again.

In my sadness, I am still happy and doing fine in this life.



I'm good.