The Potpourri That Spills From A Cornucopia By Accident…
I haven’t posted in a couple of days. Nothing is wrong and everything isn’t right. Life is unfolding in dramatic ripples in a big lake and I am simply trying to use my snorkel.
My dog Tuti lies in my yard four feet in the ground. My favorite tree- a Port Orford Cedar, is planted on top of her. When the tree grows, Tuti’s heart will be right at the heart of the tree.
I planned it that way. Someday, if I get old enough through luck and fortune, I will come back and know what beauty Tuti has become…
My sister, who had breast cancer five years ago, broke a rib not long ago. She was walking her dogs in the hills, and fell, and she cracked a rib. They know this because she got it X-rayed. During the X-ray, they found two spots on her lung which looked like cancer. She had a biopsy. It was her breast cancer back and attacking her again.
We got the hard news last night. My sister has treatable, but incurable cancer. She isn’t yet 50.
Or… she is almost 50...
My dog Tuti lies in my yard four feet in the ground. My favorite tree- a Port Orford Cedar, is planted on top of her. When the tree grows, Tuti’s heart will be right at the heart of the tree.
I planned it that way. Someday, if I get old enough through luck and fortune, I will come back and know what beauty Tuti has become…
My sister, who had breast cancer five years ago, broke a rib not long ago. She was walking her dogs in the hills, and fell, and she cracked a rib. They know this because she got it X-rayed. During the X-ray, they found two spots on her lung which looked like cancer. She had a biopsy. It was her breast cancer back and attacking her again.
We got the hard news last night. My sister has treatable, but incurable cancer. She isn’t yet 50.
Or… she is almost 50...
We expect so much from life now, don’t we all? Remember the good old days when 50 was considered OLD?
I also found out that my Pops was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He’s about 73. He has been healthy forever, it seems. I am thinking, now I’ll get to tell him to “hold still” for a change. Turn-about, baby…
I have to remind Mum not to take all of this on herself. She’ll worry far beyond her capacity to worry and get sick, if she does…
Work is going in hot, noisy and productive episodes. A couple more weeks and we’ll pass this one off to the other trades. We’ve been starting at 6 am and finishing at 2. (I say “we” but I roll in about 7:30. I cut an hour and some change off my days to preserve my back. They still get me to do all the heavy lifting- the bastards…)
We’ve been living in the syrupy heat of summer. It’s been hot. My still-left-with-me-dog Wenzel spends her time hidden under a cool bush all day, and when she comes out, she lays on Tuti's grave...
I also found out that my Pops was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He’s about 73. He has been healthy forever, it seems. I am thinking, now I’ll get to tell him to “hold still” for a change. Turn-about, baby…
I have to remind Mum not to take all of this on herself. She’ll worry far beyond her capacity to worry and get sick, if she does…
Work is going in hot, noisy and productive episodes. A couple more weeks and we’ll pass this one off to the other trades. We’ve been starting at 6 am and finishing at 2. (I say “we” but I roll in about 7:30. I cut an hour and some change off my days to preserve my back. They still get me to do all the heavy lifting- the bastards…)
We’ve been living in the syrupy heat of summer. It’s been hot. My still-left-with-me-dog Wenzel spends her time hidden under a cool bush all day, and when she comes out, she lays on Tuti's grave...
At night, she is cordial but not the affectionate dog Tuti was. Tuti would beg to spoon with me. She’d stick her head do
wn and push her way to a position where her spine would rest along the contours of my belly. I’d massage her legs. I’d rub her head and neck. I’d scratch her belly and play with her feet…
There is a hole in my life akin to a missing stuffed favorite bear, only it moved and talked in doggy talk and made me feel important as I made her feel safe. Tuti is a white ghost-dog that haunts my thoughts.
A friend gave me a set of 5.2 speakers with surround and all the bell’s and whistles. Naturally, since they are computer speakers, I’ve been rummaging through You-Tube reconnecting with people and events from my past. My past sounds fantastic, thanks to Dolby...
With all of the negative news crashing down around our family, it has been good to grab a beer and a half, a SEARCH button, and some awesome speakers…
Here are five clips that have significant meaning for me.
If you are feeling in a sharing mood, tell me five clips that have meaning for you…
wn and push her way to a position where her spine would rest along the contours of my belly. I’d massage her legs. I’d rub her head and neck. I’d scratch her belly and play with her feet…There is a hole in my life akin to a missing stuffed favorite bear, only it moved and talked in doggy talk and made me feel important as I made her feel safe. Tuti is a white ghost-dog that haunts my thoughts.
A friend gave me a set of 5.2 speakers with surround and all the bell’s and whistles. Naturally, since they are computer speakers, I’ve been rummaging through You-Tube reconnecting with people and events from my past. My past sounds fantastic, thanks to Dolby...
With all of the negative news crashing down around our family, it has been good to grab a beer and a half, a SEARCH button, and some awesome speakers…
Here are five clips that have significant meaning for me.
If you are feeling in a sharing mood, tell me five clips that have meaning for you…
And this one wraps my insides around my outsides...
9 comments:
Alright- I was keeping it together until I saw the picture of Wenzel laying by Tuti's plot.
I need a moment.
Scott, I've enjoyed sharing music clips with you this week. I didn't realize you're a Tom Waits fan too!
Ya know, in answer to all that is going on with those around you, it's just our age, man. We live long enough, we see it all.
I send my best wishes for the health of your family.
Now I'll be up late again tonite...surfing Youtube for Tom Waits...
Sometimes, it just feels like too much. Wish I had words or music of wisdom and comfort for you.
I do care, though. Really.
You are in my thoughts.
So sorry to hear about your sister. Although the news is disheartening, it almost seems like that broken rib happened for a reason. Don't loose hope...
That picture of Wenzel next to Tuti's tree brought tears, as did the Neil Finn song.
Hang in there Scott... big ((hugs))
(((Scott)))
I think Tammie Jean made a valid point. Thank goodness for that cracked rib. I, too, am so very sorry to hear about your sister's cancer. Is she HUR2 / HER2 positive, or do you know? My prayers are with you & her & all of yours with this tragic news, as well as the news on your Pop.
Wenzel is a beauty, just as Tuti was, just in another form & fashion. I love my dogs more than I could ever express & my heart truly aches for the void you must be feeling right now. I wish there was something that I could do to make you feel better, but am at a loss. I have 5 beautiful & loving dogs...yet, I still pain over the two that I bought this house with seven years ago. Doggie-love is unlike any other.
peace& love to yo Scott
Oh sweetie, life is a beast at times, I am so sorry at all this crap you're having to wade through. It's good to let yourself vent your sorrow, so much more healthy than to deny it. You have many friends who care about you in here, and a world of hugs from us all. Keep on keeping on my friend - nothing lasts forever, eh? x
I am so sorry to hear about your sister, Scott. But I am pleased that she has you and your mother and her dogs in her life. She probably couldn't wish for a more terrific support system, could she?
Hopefully the hour or so you're shaving off your workday can serve to rest your spirit as well. Something tells me that when you least expect it, something terrific will come serve as a special balm for the wound you carry as you miss Tuti.
Holy cow.
You are carrying m a n y heavy burdens on your shoulders at the moment.
I wish you some lightness. And I send hugs, too.
/jo
I remember as a kid our dog wsa hit by a car and we buried her in the yard. The neighbor dog, whod been her buddy, came over to drop a toy on her grave and whine. I still tear up when I think about it. In the yard of the house I'm looking to buy were gravestones for two obvioulsy-loved dogs. I felt like that said something good about the karma of the house.
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