Sunday, December 19, 2010

Not So Fast! I'm Not Falling Down...


I stole this image off of Mt. Ashland's home page while checking for new snow this morning (we got eight inches!) This is what it was like Friday morning when we hit the slopes ourselves...

Looks can be a bit deceiving, which is what I found out the first time I came off the upper chair and began my usual high speed descent down a run called "Dream", where the only real obstacle is a tree right in the middle of the run (a tree I call the Sony Bono Tree for obvious reasons if you know what happened to Sony) and promptly was confronted (at high speed, mind you) with a large patch of ROCKS!

I somehow managed to lift a ski, straddle, lift a ski and fall in a tuft of heavy wet powder to miss every single granite landmine poking out of the snow like tiny tombstones kooking for new people to label "dead"...

I'm still lucky, I guess...

And speaking of falling... the gal I go skiing with (the blonde with the big guns from chopping so much wood) has been taking lessons from me. I like teaching people stuff I know fairly well, and skiing is one of those things I can impart wisdom on and see improvements in people's abilities in short order.

The problem is, I can't really ski much better than I ski. I'm older and I have older knees and lower spine issues and yaddy yaddy... I have no business skiing out of control and really going for it, because "it" is a long stay in a short bed with one of those thingies that make it go up and down and handrails to keep me from falling out...

So my blonde ski buddy is starting to "almost" keep up.

Which means I don't get to stop half-way down and rest my legs and watch her ski, offering up such misogynistic gems as "You've got to keep your tits pointing down the hill. Tits pointing down! Just keep saying it to yourself and you'll get it "Tits Down! Down tits, down!"

and...

"Wriggle your ass! You're not wriggling your ass enough! Put a bigger swing in your backyard! Cock with your hips, talk with your lips! (Did I tell you my ski buddy is a stronger-than-most feminist who can wield a mean axe? I get her attention this way and she seems to remember what I tell her- she stews over my words, after all...)

Anyhoo... her vast improvement means that later in the day when I'm skiing on tired legs, I have to keep a slide ahead of her (to keep my male ego intact) which also means all the great ski songs I have stuck in my head (like "Ice ice baby, doong doong doong doong do doong doong...) get replaced with "Crap! Don't fall! Crap! Don't fall. Crap! Don't fall..."

Crap.

2 comments:

dogbait said...

Global warming? Bah humbug!

Jeannie said...

I give her another 2 weeks and you'll be making excuses before going up the lift...