Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Making Up Songs In The Swimming Pool With Da Momma...

It's near the end of swim season but I still get in the pool with Momma and put her through her paces. She does a whole slew of arm exercises using flotational dumbbells and barbells, and I swear if she hasn't grown herself a couple of huge guns for arms...

Then I make her jog 40 laps of the pool. It sounds easy but the water provides resistance and you have to push with your calf muscles against the pressure of the water. 40 laps is alot for a 75 year old woman, stroke or no stroke.

We sing our own rendition of the song "Sixteen Going On Seventeen" depending on the lap we're on...

"I'm on twenty-two going on twenty-three doo doo do do doo dooo..."

It helps pass the time.

I duck-walk alongside her and race her from end to end. It is good for my lower back and hips, it turns out, to waddle up and back...

We walk sideways next and sing "Slip Sideways Away" sung to the tune of "Slip-Sliding Away"...

We walk backwards but until today, we never had a tune.

"We need a tune for walking backwards, Momma"

"I know. But we haven't got one. And I can't think of any."

"We could make up our own."

"Well we could, but..."

(Walking backwards,mind you)

"I can't see where I'm going
but I know just where I've been
I can't look into the future
but I remember when..."

"Hey that's good. Write that down!!"

"When we get out of the pool, Momma."

"Well remember it, then, and write it down when you're dry."

"Okay Momma."

"What's next?"

"Just keep walking backwards, you're not done."

"No, with the song. What's next?"

"Well, we could make it a love song, I suppose. About a guy remembering a good time he had with his gal."

"Okay, do it then."

(Walking backwards alongside da Momma...)

"Ummm... Okay, how about...

You sat upon my shoulders
at that concert in the park"

"Oh that's good. I never did that, you know. That's for all those little gals."

"Momma,you're tall and jeebus, look at those big guns!"

"No guy I ever dated could lift me on their shoulders. And your dad never liked rock concerts, to begin with."

"Back in your day, the girls all let their titties flop around so the band would have something to look at..."

Momma just shook her head.

"So what's next? Where were we?"

"You sat upon my shoulders
at the concert in the park...


and Jerry let his guitar twang...

while you let rip a fart..."

"Oh you just ruined a good song!"

"I couldn't help it, Momma. I always do. Now I can't think of nuthin' else."

"That's just terrible! It was so beautiful up until then."

"I felt the moisture coat my neck

The rumble beat the band

the effort of her tightened cheeks

sent shivers to my hand..."

"Oh Lordy! I gotta go pee!"

I don't know where I'm going
But I can see just where I've been
I can't look into the future
but I remember when,

you sat upon my shoulders
at a concert in the park
Jerry let his guitar twang
while you let rip a fart...

I felt the moisture coat my neck
the rumble beat the band
the effort of her tightened cheeks
sent shivers to my hand...

(Feel free to add your own lyrics here)


Mushy said...

Hilarious man!

Jeannie said...

Your momma still has a handful with you. I have a great appreciation of the work it would take to do 40 laps walking in water after my holiday. I dunno 40 laps sounds like a lot anyway.

Great song until you wreckedit - but then it was a great song of a different kind.

meno said...

You and your mom are TROUBLE!

Shrinky said...

Aw gee, you are such a romantic, Scott!