Momma, What's That Hanging Down In Yer Pants?

True story-

I got our pool up and running for the summer and told Mum to go get her suit on and come for a swim.

She went and suited up and then got in the pool.

"Ohh, it's cold!"

"You'll get used to it."

"No I won't. Where's my wetsuit thingy?"

"Oh you big girl! It's 76 in here. Just get in and start moving around."

Which she did.

And she did all her workout routines from last swim season. And she did some laps swimming the backstroke ("maybe we shouldn't use the word "stroke", Momma?")

And when it was time to get out, I watched as she climbed the stairs to get out on her own (last year she needed a "boost") and then SAW IT.

"Momma, what the heck is that?"

"What?"

"That thing, hanging down between yer legs. It looks like you had a baby!"

"Huh? What thing?"

"THAT THING! Momma, what is it? It's huge!"

Momma looked down while holding on to her walker and tried to puzzle out what I was looking at. Between her legs, swinging inside of her now stretched down bathing suit, was what looked to be either a very heavy loaf of bread or a very big water balloon.

(By this point I was laughing so hard I was crying.) Momma was starting to put the pieces together in her mind. HOW COULD SHE HAVE DONE SOMETHING SO SILLY?"

"Oh... It would be funny if it weren't just so damn tragic," she lamented.

Momma had gone swimming in one of her incontinence pads and it had absorbed about six pounds of water.

"Turn your head while I take it out."

I carried the giant swollen bag (I guestimated six pounds while carrying it) to the trash bin, crying the whole way...