And Then There Was A White Light, And A Feeling Of Serenity...

You know the expression "Go knock yourself out"?

Well, I did.

And it was way cool.

I didn't hit my head or anything; what I did was trap blood down in my lower legs and then stood up too fast.

Suddenly, there was no blood in my brain. My vision turned to black. I grabbed the bars I had welded onto the contraption I was using. I grew oddly giddy and then "swoony" and then I was looking into a bright white light down a tunnel of sorts...

Then I was "swoony" again.

Then giddy.

Then I sort of grew aware in that way where you go through a checklist of things you are feeling to ascertain whether you are alright or not...

The cycle took what felt like half a minute.

I was indeed alright, but the experience was what I imagined a dying person felt as the heart stopped and the brain was deprived of oxygen... (See? Like I said, way cool!) The tunnel effect and white light appear to be a consequence of oxygen deprivation and was a common theme amongst the died-and-came-back-to-life crowd.

When Mum was going to rehab, they had a total gym machine I would put her on. She did controlled squats, lying on an incline board that ran up and down on tracks. I called this machine "The Christie Brinkley" because Christie and Chuck Norris used to sell them on television together. I never called it a Chuck Norris machine because Chuck promoted Mike Huckabee for president and that was just SO wrong.

Besides, Christie was like way more beautifuller...

Well, I built a "Christie Brinkley" machine and set it up out in our carport along with a few other "gym equipment" pieces I had made(I have a welder). My machine is better than Christie's in that it goes almost to vertical so I can do almost full-weight squats while safely leaning against a sliding table (that has a strap that controls how far down the table is allowed to go).

The tendons that cross over the top of my knee beneath my kneecap have a tendency to be rather tight, making walking up steep hills or stepping up a large step sometimes a painful experience. The solution, was, of course, to stretch those tendons, and one of the ways I did that was to simply squat down as far as my knees would let me squat on my machine. I used to do this up against a wall (as I cannot squat like an Asian because I... well... I fall over when I try to "free squat" and my knees feel like they're about to explode) but now I use my Christie Brinkley and it works well.

So there I was, leaning against my sliding table, holding on to the two handles I provided for the table, squatting all the way down until my butt was tucked up against my ankles. The stretch was working and felt good so I stayed down in that position for a couple of minutes. Apparently, the bend in the knee was tight enough to pinch off some major veins (the blood-returneth vessels) so I was pumping blood into my feet through my arteries but the blood was having trouble getting back up to my heart and then out again (and up to the brain)...

And then I decided it was time to stand up and I did...

And then......................giddy......swoony......black out......white light and tunnel......swoony......giddy......contemplation of what just happened...

Like dying only way better because I think Christie was there...