Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Salamander Sex And Odd A Tees...



The weather is changing round here, getting ready for the winter months... We've had two days of drizzle recently, which means I can run the lawn mower round the yard in circles, cutting down all the ugly weed shoots and flowers that pop up over the brown grass in our yard. I had to rebuild the carburetor and fuel pump and replace the blades beneath, but now my beer caddy is mobile and woohoohoo! I've got a season of mowing ahead of me. Even more fun is the giant burn pile I've got out back, waiting for enough rain to safely light it...

Mum has been kicked out of the pool by the colder weather. The solar system I've got in can't function when it rains, and the pool has fallen below 60 degrees. Mum needs 70 degrees to be talked into the water, so I ordered a heat pump pool heater for three grand which may give her a month more of pool therapy this year. I figured if it gave us a month on this end and a month on the spring end, it would be worth the money. When you are 74, you are living on the tip of a wet noodle, so time verses money gets magnified exponentially. I got her a wet suit top to wear and cut up an old surfing wet suit I had to make slip on sleeves and coverings for her knees.

She looks quite armoured up when she hits the water, but she's swimming laps now, and holds the pool record.

There goes my vacation money...

One day last week I was cycling over to pick up my friend Bruce to go for a ride in the hills. I found him down by his small pond with his hands to his lips, shushing me over. There was a pair of salamanders "doing it" in the water below us. Wow. I had never seen salamanders doing it before. Have you? I got a brief but blurry (in parts) video of the heinous love fest in action. There. Now you too have seen salamanders doing it...
There is a steep fire road I discovered on my street, just down the road. This is berry season, which means the bears are active and close in. They come down to where the berries grow, which is almost always next to creeks and road drainage ditches. There is bear scat everywhere, and this makes me nervous to get out very far by myself. I'm big but a bear is much bigger. I can run now but a bear can run much faster. What I fear is surprising a bear and making it feel cornered. You think a cornered cat can scratch? Try a cornered bear paw across your maw...

Anyway, I found this close in logging road that's steep and runs parallel to the road I live on. When I want to do steep hill climbs on my bike without going into bear country, I thought I could use this road. I tried it once and the sound of a sporatic car going down the road below was reassuring. I tried it a second time, only to discover this giant bear poop right in the middle of it. Crap! Them bears are scarin' me!

Since we be rural folks, sometimes cabin fever will set in and I'll just go into town and- when under 250- have a beer. I did this the other night and went to our local brew pub and pizza joint. There were lots of people there but no one who seemed to want to strike up a conversation. Desperate for talk, I pulled out my camera and started looking at the salamander video. I figured "what a great conversation starter" but I figured wrong. The lady sitting alone near me waiting on her son to get through the pizza-ordering-line was not amused when I passed my camera over in her direction and asked, rather friendly-like "Ever see a couple of slimy salamanders "doin' it"?"

She got that big-eyed shaky look and kept darting her eyes away from the screen, like she wanted no part of me or my video. Undaunted, and feeling rather mischievous, I figured I'd try a different tack.

"Wanna see a picture of some purplish bear poop?"

9 comments:

blogless troll said...

I need a cigarette.

Jean said...

Dear man, you need some new pick-up lines.

Jeannie said...

You've lost your touch with the ladies I think...been out in the bush too long.

Funny though - if Scott's Nature Channel caught on in blogdom, she'd be scratching her eyes out for not being friendly.

I'd rather spend 3 grand on a pool heater than my friggin tooth.

Mushy said...

Was there a little whistle in that bear crap?

Cheesy said...

I can SO see you doing that ! Made me grin....

dogbait said...

We were tramping through the Oregon Dunes and came across bear footprints. We made it back to the car in record time. I know, wimps.

Shrinky said...

Hahahaha, well SOMEONE has to be the local perv, eh?

"There goes the vacation fund.." (Aw, hugs.)

Schmoopie said...

What a caring son you are!

Umm...I'm not happy about the way the guy was holding the gal's head under the water. That wasn't very gentlemanly of him. Glad I'm not a salamander!

Anne said...

My top 10 favorite things about this post:

10. Photo: One Old Buzzard Lives Here with One Cute Chick

9. You live in a place where you can have a "burn" pile

8. Cycling with your friend, Bruce

7. Watching Salamanders Having Sex (SHS)

6. Taking a video of SHS

5. Posting video of SHS

4. Trying to share SHS with a stranger

3. Taking pictures of bear scat ( I did this very same thing while in CO last April)

2. Posting pictures of bear scat

1. Buying heat pump and wet suit for your mom so she can continue to swim.