Friday, April 24, 2009

Stuff "N' Things. Or... Blood and Vipers...


Last week, I went and did the unthinkable. I made an appointment with a doctor and went to see her.

I met her at one of our local once a month dinners, where rural folks get together and talk about not seeing other rural folks so much for most of the month...

She was a prematurely gray woman under fifty with an interest in evolutionary biology. She had a local practice and wore hippy skirts and Birkenstocks.

I figured what the hell...

I've been monitoring my blood pressure over the last couple of years because hyper-tension runs in both sides of my family.

I've been sittng on the other side of the threshhold for about six months now, and even though I am exercising three hours a day six days a week (I count an hours walk with the dogs in that total) and my resting heart rate is now down into the high forties and low fifties...

I still get readings like 145 over 85, which is what is considered "first-stage" hypertension, or high blood pressure.

She claimed high blood pressure was beneficial for survival-- so a "good" thing-- until we started living past forty. Higher blood pressure meant you were better able to fend for yourself when badly injured, less likely to faint when going into shock etc...

"I'll take that explanation", I told her. "Sure beats "you're fat and lazy and you eat way too much pork and mayonaise!"

She prescribed something called LISINOPRIL, and I had to go to the pharmacy and get a lecture on how to take it and its side effects...

There was a cute girl at the pharmacy desk...

"It may give you a scratchy cough, sometimes in the mornings." She did a little imitation of a scratchy cough and it was very cute.

"That's why I picked it over the one that gives you impotence," I told her (she picked her gum off the counter and threw it in the trash.)

I got home and was all bummed out that I had my first "medicine" that I had to take everyday. I've taken anti-biotics a few times, and lord knows I've popped a few anti-inflammation pills like Aleve or Ibuprofin...

But MEDICINE? Everyday medicine?

I felt defeated.

"I'm taking fucking MEDICINE!"

That's when I looked up LISINOPRIL on the web and read where it said "Derived from the venom of the Jaracara Viper"...

OH!

That's different. I'm not taking medicine, I'm taking tiny bits of Jaracara Venom!!

I feel better now.

12 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

It sounds a lot more romantic than what I'm taking: thyroid extract. Yuk!

Jeannie said...

I know how you feel. I used to think I was ridiculously healthy - until my everyday escalating pain got the better of me. I rarely took any pain killers even for headaches but now - every day - sometimes twice. It's not maybe quite the same as "medication" but necessary.

meno said...

Danger is just a way of life for you now!

I am so not looking forward the the age of pills. I watch my parents pop several at every meal. It's scary. (I refuse to count vitamins!)

writtenwyrdd said...

Could be worse. I take 9 meds, three to prevent a 24/7/365 migraine, three for arthritis pain, one for dry eyes (without which my dry eyelids will sandpaper my cornea) and more! it sucks getting older. But the alternative to medications is pain, early death and more money in your wallet. Can't win 'em all.

citizen of the world said...

Ooh, snake spit! Can't beat that?

Shrinky said...

"That's why I chose it over the one that gives impotence"

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Too funny.

I've been on daily meds for years (underactive thyroid), and I took it as a great insult at the time. Then I found out as it's considered "chronic", I automatically qualify for free prescriptions for life, anything from anti-biotics to pile-cream (er, as an example of course - not that I ever NEED that, y'know? Cough..) So I am kinda' pleased in a peverse little way to have a failing body.

You exercise THREE HOURS A DAY?? Sheesh, you seriously are out to shame us all, aren't you?

Sweeti said...

the cough for me started 3-4 weeks in on the med, I hope it works for you though. It worked for me but also gave me bronchitis.

sexy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kario said...

Great perspective! I wouldn't recommend this approach for just anyone, though, considering that most progesterone is made from mare urine...

Just sayin'...

Cheesy said...

DANGER BOY!

But we all knew it already....

Jean said...

They prescribe poison to make us... healthy? That is so hard to swallow.

Bevie said...

Scott. Hope you read this. Just wanted to apologize for my attitude. I was wrong, and I'm sorry.