Sunday, January 25, 2009

Mournings After...

Ever have a dream where you are in control of the dream but you know you are dreaming? Last night I dreamed I found a pair of rollerblades on the top of a steep hill. I tried them on and they fit my size 13 feet. That's when I woke myself up before I got hurt.

I saw on the news where they brought up the jet engines of that airliner that crashed-landed in the river. Investigators wanted to identify what caused the engine failure so they hired specialists who discovered that the plane was brought down by an octopus and a school of fish. That might not be true but I wish it were true...

I wanted to thank all of those who left a word of sympathy for me and my family in response to the news of my sister's death. A few words of condolence really do go a long way in comforting those still here breathing air and trying to have a life one could mostly call "good".

My Mum is handling things well. After 40 years of nursing, she knows death is the natural end to life and I think Mum doesn't fight that basic truth. She is very sad she outlived her daughter, but when asked if she'd rather have been dead before Sandy died, she had to admit that she would prefer not to be dead just to beat Sandy to the punchbowl.

I've been motivating Mum to exercise everyday by telling her she needs to be fit to go visit Sandy and it has worked up to now. For a few days "the memorial" will keep her pumping iron, but after that, I'm not sure. She asked me yesterday if I'd keeping working with her as I think she realizes that our primary motivation is gone and yet she needs to keep going or she'll be gone soon too.

My brother Steve has been saddled with taking care of my sister's things and cleaning out her house. Sandy was a mortgage crises victim and was facing foreclosure and moving back in with family as it was. I told Steve to make sure her closest friends ( and there were many) got something of Sandy's that they cherished. I don't envy him the task of going through all of her things, as she liked things alot. Her house was a collection of cool things she found at yard sales and thrift stores over a period of twenty years. Sandy loved cool things, and she liked to decorate her house with them.

My brother and I never change. While discussing arraignments for my sister, my brother casually asked, "So, how much do you weigh now?"

"About two pounds less than when you were here in the summer."

"That much?"

"But I'm in shape again. I'm putting on muscle in my legs as I lose fat elsewhere."

"Uh huh. So how much?"

"282 as of this morning."

"I've got you by 20 pounds."

"I've got bigger bones, so we're about the same."

"Not that much bigger. Besides, I'm taller."

"How many push-ups can you do?"

"About 50."

"Crap. I conk out at 40 these days. What about one armed push-ups?"


"Hah! I can still do ten, but I have to be careful I don't hurt my shoulder."

"Yeah but I can still outswim you."

"Not underwater..."

And like that for quite awhile...


Anonymous said...

I have those out of control dreams. I think they reflect reality, in a way. I hope those ease up for you over time.

Funny conversation with your brother - must be a near-universal to be competitive with your sibs.

Cheesy said...

Oh lord remind me never to have coffee with the two of you! I would be laughing till I pee!
Keep on Mom hun.. YOU need her... remember to relate that to her if she gets stubborn.

fairyhedgehog said...

It's a tough time for all of you. I wish I had something helpful to say!