Blogger Fame And Infamy

By coincidence, two modest bloggers I link to on my sidebar both made comments and directed my attention towards the same blogger, but for different reasons.

Stucco discovered a piece about buying Nyquil that he thought was exceptionally humorous and therefore gave a plug.

CC at Risk Exile found the same blogger’s venomous assaults on another semi-famous OTHER blogger to be worth contemplating, since she reads both blogs and was now watching a couple of blogging divas go after each other- her conclusion being that life had more meaning than what the two women were displaying.

When the universe collides like this, I usually get sucked in to the vortex it creates, knowing full well that the vortex was mostly created by the two bloggers mentioned for the purpose of simply creating a sucking-in-creating vortex, and that I was fully complying with the desires of the bloggers I wished to fully deny having them ever suck me like that.

Pops never raised a sucker, and Mum always maintained by example that kindness and good humor were far more interesting and life affirming than two blogging divas that sucked.

Nevertheless, since it was such a coincidental occurrence that two of my small circle of blogger pals pointed me in the same direction on the same day, I went, seeking answers to deep blogging questions, wondering, basically, what was I missing, and what was all the fuss about? (My deepest question of all, though, had nothing to do with this. My deepest question of all, was, and is, of course, “How come the word “blog” comes up as a spelling error on Blogger spellcheck?” If anybody can help me to understand, I will greatly be of service.)

The one blog I really took note of was Violent Acres. Her “catfat” with another semi-famous blogger Rockstar Mommy, was apparently, a big deal in some circles, of which I had had no previous clue existed. This little bit of following blogger poop really struck me in an eyebrow raising way, though, and it got me thinking.

From Violent Acres ---------------“Maybe I actually do think you’re an idiot! Maybe I think you’re so much of an idiot that I want [to] introduce you to my readers, if for no other reason but to scare the shit out of them once they realize that a vapid whore such as yourself is actually raising a child!
By nay, Rockstar Mommy wants people to think that:
“she realized that no one wants to read about her contrived and boring opinions, she picked another blogger to write about. (Another almost-popular woman, imagine that.)… Hopefully her attempt at jacking up her failing stats works for her.”
I’ve always been totally honest about my stats. The slowest day I ever had I managed 2,000 hits. That was the first day my site went live. The most traffic I’ve ever managed was 110,000 hits in a single day. Rockstar Mommy, have you ever even managed 110,000 hits in a single month? Refreshing your page over and over again until your fingers cramp up doesn’t count, either. God, it must really burn your ass that I’ve only been doing this for a little over 6 months and I’m already raking in significantly more traffic than you’ve managed to build in over 4 years of blogging! But darling, you really don’t have to lie about it. Instead, run to your camera quick! A shot of you bending over might be good for 20 more hits!” ----------------

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110.00 hits in a single day? Wow! How cool is THAT? You would have to be pretty gosh darn amazing for that kind of notoriety, I’m thinking, Paris Hilton Or a shaved what’s-her-name or a drunk whose-its from that what’s it show? Maybe if you were Iraqi boys, in the middle of a war?

Now I have to admit, I didn’t go through and read page after page of material from Violent Acres to discover what the secrets to this much internet success actually were. Perhaps I should have? I mean, don’t we all, deep down inside, want to have 110,000 hits?
We could line the perimeters of our blogs with adds and stay home all winter and think of other ways to keep the hits coming! We could tell everybody all about the hits we got! Whoot! I say! Woohoohoo! Blogger ecstasy! Our name in Google lights!

There is nothing much new under the sun, and there really isn’t anything new here either. Drama and meanness and (to use a new catch phrase) “snarkiness”, are the new blogger features that attract those coveted “clicks”.

I read a little Violent Acres. I read a story- all three parts- of how our blogger V was a victim of mommy dearest and locked in a room without water and only a bucket to pee in. I read how her mother was so evil , she broke dishes across her hands, forcing her to run away, and how the police threw her in jail and she got probed up her ding dong and yoohoo, and then how her mom locked her in a room for a month without even a bath and then threw an expensive sweater on her and fooled the enquiring police with it. All riveting stuff. I realized I was getting lessons in fiction writing while I was reading this, meaning, if you want an audience, make sure there is plenty of strife and drama and lots of evil perpetrations and a beginning, middle and end.

Stuff I remember from high school English Lit., really. And it still holds true today.

And I am not really sure where I am going with all of this. Part of me wants to go into Violent Acres archives, pull up her poop, and rip into it. Then perhaps I could somehow get caught up in all the technorati clicking going on, and up my dismal clicks beyond the few, warm, loving, and heartfelt visits I get each day?

Instead of friends and interesting, respectful, and heartfelt connections, I could get clicks and hyper-texts, and google ads on my perimeters, and whoot! Woohoohoo! A platform to boast from about my clicks…

Wouldn’t that be cool?

As I exit my limousine on my way to my first blogger convention, I wonder if the paparazzi will try and shoot up my shorts?

So I ask you all. Shaved, or natural?