Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Outside My Gate, There Be Some Silly People...

We sort of have a new dog. I say sort of, because I don't believe the love affair will last. Mum thinks she needs a dog of her own to love (and she might) but a rambunctious one year old that can jump our fence- though small- isn't exactly the right idea.

We'll see.

Right now, anything that gets Mum up and doing stuff and makes her happy is fine by me. I just hope she isn't heart broken when this dog proves too much for her. I have to get up extra early (I hate mornings, did I mention that?) to throw a ball for this dog out in the yard just to wear it out so it'll stay inside most of the day and go on "happy walks" with Mum around the yard when she has the energy. I am back at work and this extra cold morning chore is an act of love and payback for labor, I'm telling ya...



Where this puppy came from is a bit amusing, so I thought I'd tell you about it.
Goofy shit happens all around us all the time. I am convinced of that. Sometimes, it happens right in the front of one's house, all out of the blue.
You don't have to travel to have "stuff" happen to you, you just need to be paying attention. The fact that people are what they are makes things all the more arbitrarily hilarious and divine.

Take Sunday, for instance. I was out in the shop, puttering , when I heard my dog's bark at something at the front gate. I've got my dog bark ears developed and have their barks down to a science. I can tell without looking if it is kids on bikes, or the mail lady, or the UPS guy. I know when the neighbors come to the boxes for mail. My dogs bark differently in each circumstance. So when I heard this particular bark (the someone or thing is right in front of our gate and they aren't familiar, bark) I thought to go look. It turned out to be two puppies dragging two leashes, and they had obviously gotten away from somebody.
The puppies were blind to the idea of cars and as two passed, the dogs were scary in their actions. I rushed out to grab them but they headed down the road to my left, where the road grew hidden by our trees.
Before I got to the gate, I heard a screaching set of braking wheels and then some "whoompf whoompf cobubber cobubber" (like my sound effects?)and I rushed out and the two puppies were running from the strange and scary noises right to me. I grabbed their leashes and started to tie the leashes into one leash.
A big dual wheel pick up pulled up in front of my gate (it is the only pull-out there) and I could see what made the funny, scary noises. They were towing a trailer and on that trailer was a fishing boat. Well OK, not exactly ON that trailer. Not any more. With the sudden breaking the boat had ridden up the trailer and climbed half way into the back of the truck. It was all cock-eyed and out of sorts and not nestled nicely into its specially designed boat hull holders and it looked a bit wonky all around.There were two guys in the truck and they were trying to deal with the silly predicament they were now in and the anger they were both feeling. Guys in their early fifties. Average, normal looking guys. Good husband types of guys. "He's a keeper." Ever hear that?
They were a pair of "keepers".
But the driver was angry and he saw me and he saw the dogs. I was down on one knee trying to calm the dogs and sort out their collars (they were too loose on the necks of these small headed dogs) and he stormed over in my general direction and started right in on me-- "YOUR SUMBITCH DOGS MADE ME SLAM ON MY BREAKS! IF THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY BOAT OR MY TRUCK..."
See the problem?
Well, I mean besides the fact that they weren't my dogs. I mean the other problem? The one where a nice "keeper" runs into a galoot like me, especially one kneeling down.
It got him a little too close and I stood up with my hair all poking around in fourteen different directions wearing some old camo work pants and a pull-over covered in dog hair and looked down on this guy with my eyebrows raised in one of those "are you for real?" kinds of looks, and then I simply laid in to him with some very heart-felt and logical explanations for what I percieved was at the deep dark bottom of this issue.
"First of all you were driving WAY too fast. What kind of knucklehead sees a problem fifty yards ahead and then waits till the last forty feet to slam on the breaks? Holy fuck, was that a stupid thing to do. And WHO in their right mind doesn't tie their mother fucking boat off on the backside? I mean, come on man, how stupid is that?
Oh, and these. They aren't my dogs."
The dogs were squirming because of all the new energy in the air and I turned to deal with them. The guy turned (I guess he saw my reasonable description of what had transpired and agreed with it) and headed straight back into his truck with the other guy joining him. I don't know why, but they decided to drive off.
"Odd", I thought. "They truly ARE knuckleheads".
Heck, once I had the dogs settled, I would have helped them with their cock-eyed boat. I'm like that. Just a friendly fellow. They started to drive off and hit a small bump and the boat slipped down a bit and now the aluminum propellor was dragging on the ground. I had hooked the dogs to the fence by this time and so was free to run after them...
"Hey, you're..."
The driver saw me in his rear view mirror and did the silliest thing I saw all that Sunday. He stepped on the gas and sped away, grinding away aluminum and probably making a mess of some of his drive gears....
I stopped waving my arms and running and then the neighbor woman who lost the dogs showed up and my Mum had walked out to see what was going on, and the neighbor woman was mad at her dogs and frustrated and said "You want this one, I can't keep them both"; and I said "no" but Mum said "Oh yes, I do", and now I am getting up in the early cold of the early morning (I hate mornings, did I tell you that?) to throw tennis balls for a dog I don't own.
Ain't life a kick in the kadoodle?


13 comments:

Cheesy said...

First off that is one good lookin pup! Yet.. I am corn~fused. They lady showed up but you still have one of the dogs? Or just a different one? Your a grand son btw! Gooood bouy! Scoobie snack?

Hammer said...

Those guys were tards.Good on you for saving those dogs.

Scott from Oregon said...

hit Cheesy. I have to finish the story. The lady came for her dogs and she was upset because she is a little "hefty" and she has two of these cretins and two other dogs that her son dropped off on her and she is going in for back surgery and she asked Mum and me if we wanted this one and I said no and Mum said "Oh yes, I do!"

Crap. I know I'll be taking care of her on top of my two dogs.

But what choice do I have in the matter?

Maybe you'd like her. She is a great tennis ball hunter and a small manageable size. Sweet too, but she likes to "go visit" and I've been through that and don't want to go through that stage again...

Bernita said...

How could you not want that dog?

Cheesy said...

Hit me? I sure hope that was a typo lmao...
OMG.. are you trying to adopt her out already? lol!!

I wouldn't mind having one or two more dogs but...
Working 60+ hours a week..
I feel bad enough already that my 2 have their alone time. I try to make up for it with before and after work "dog parties". Please just don't offer me a cat... I am weak.
You never know.. she may turn out to be one fine buddy! Lets take them all to the beach! lol

Nikky said...

aw, Scott, you know you're going to end up loving her, you're just a big softie... now, what is the newest addition's name?

Shirley said...

Judging by the picture, that doesn't look like a small dog. My first reaction was that there is some German Shepherd in there somewhere. Trying to teach it to not jump fences is going to be fun.

Those guys were way silly...and stupid. Even I know that you have to tie your boat down to the trailer. Your Mum is a softie and so are you

kario said...

Love the story of the doofuses with the boat - that's karma for you!

Love the dog - I, too, lament the loss of my morning freedom due to my dog, but in the evening when he's curled up next to me drooling contentedly it seems worth it. Besides, you're filling your karma bank by doing this good deed for your Mom. It all comes back around....

Scott from Oregon said...

The dog's name is rosalynn but I call her puppy, which she responds to better, for some reason. She left me a couple of nuggets where there should be no nuggets to push up my karma points...

Shirley-- She's a year and maybe 24 pounds. She won't go much more than 35 when she's old and fat, is my guess...

Tammie Jean said...

Too funny! I can decipher my dogs' different barks as well. One for joggers, one for neighbors checking the mail, one for a car in the driveway and one for someone at my door. Times 2 dogs. Plus the little one has barks for squirrels and deer, and since he can't see very well anymore, dead leaves flying in the wind.

What a cute puppy! You big softie...

Shirley said...

Wow! I would have thought she weighed more than that. I sure miss having a dog, but at our age we want to get out and about more so I hate to get another one. I content myself with my granddogs. My kids bring them around often so I get my doggie fix that way. Still.....I miss my German Shepherds. I lost my last one two years ago. I still miss her. She was the love of my life.

amusing said...

...and then Scott videotaped the dog and its interesting habit of retrieving small green aliens from the woods and when he sent it in to the Big Video TV Show, he was the million dollar prize winner. He's got himself a fancy new boat and he always ties it up so it doesn't fly off the trailer in case he needs to brake suddenly. Strange things sure do happen to him.

psycho-therapist said...

seeing these weebles reminded me of a funny (and dirty) true story told by a nursing buddy who works in the local university health center. apparently, it's not uncommon for some sheepish young woman to come in on a monday morning with something, er, wedged inside of her. alcohol makes one do strange things. apparently, the story around the health center is "weebles wobble but they don't fall out".