Sunday, March 04, 2007

Move Over Ted Bundy, It's Far Past Sunday...

My cyber-super-duper-friend Kylie asked me to help her have a little fun awhile back, and she sent me a form to fill out. It was one of those cyber-dating forms, for- you know- cyber-dating.

Always one out for a lark, I agreed and sent her this photo here. I guess I was about 33 when that was taken, or thereabouts. I picked the shadowed one (or Kylie did) because some of the people that comment on her blog frequent my blog as well. This photo, we reasoned, might pass without my being outed.

Well!!!! Now I know why I am single at 44!!! Apparently, I am one of those scary dudes with Ted Bundy-like characteristics. There is little redeemable about me and I should never go out in public wearing a white singlet (tank top) or mention that “I like girls“ in conversation.

My word!

When I look in the mirror, these days, I feel the urge to arrest myself and beat myself up so that I’ll confess to all of the horrendous crimes I have been accused of possibly committing.


Here are some snippets of what Kylie’s friends thought of Mystery Man Number Three--

***“Hmmm I don’t know? The first few sentences he sounds like a bit of a flake but then he improves but then he falls again when he says he has lots of ethnic friends and I can picture him to be one of those guys that you see when you’re out with his mates at the bar being a moron, hitting on anything that walks…”

***“No. No. No.

Stay far away from this one. In fact, run.

I love to visit new places means "I can't settle down."

I love girls and I love life means "I will nail anything that moves and this was a great way to meet more targets."

I love making sad people smile means "I seek out women who need to be rescued."

I value a sense of honesty means "I'll tell you when I cheat on you."

I value a sense of humor means "I will expect you to laugh it off when I cheat on you."

Entertainment: Surfing the internet means "I like porn" …”

***””Nup. My little inner alarm bells are a ringin'....this guy is trouble. Next!”

***“First, it sounds like he might have some sort of a psychological complex—either a superiority or a god complex—when he writes: "I am very loyal to all who deserve loyalty, and very severe to all who deserve contempt."

how does he decide who deserves loyalty?

how does he decide who deserves contempt?

what is his measure for judging people?

he says his religion is his own...

so i guess his standard is arbitrary: how well you treat him is how well he will probably treat you, and god forbid you ever cross him or else you might find yourself on the receiving end of his severe contempt...

with that sort of mentality, i fear he might even be an abusive sort. but i am sure he would just blame any acts of rage or violence on his beer-swilling habits and promise that it will never happen again.

the second thing that really bothered me is when he wrote "i love girls..." maybe it is just me, but there is a big difference between girls and women. it would have made me feel better if he had appreciated that difference.

but then, as old as he is, he also sounds like he might be an exercise freak being all muscular even in his forties. this bothers me because exercise addicts are often plagued by anxiety and depression and tend to have a negative image of themselves or their worth.

which might explain his freudian slip in mentioning girls rather than women. younger women are easier to manipulate than one with more life experience. and if manipulation does not work, being strong enough to smack a weaker person around with either verbal or physical abuse is always an option for someone with a low self-esteem.

be careful with this one, kylie.

"doors open for me when i push on walls"

i knew a burglar like that once...

"I love to travel and have adventures, and someday I’m gonna tell my story."

i knew a fugitive running from the law like that once...

"putting my ear to your chest and listening to your heart beat"

yeah, i knew a serial killer-cannibal like that once...

perhaps i an over reacting...

but do be careful kylie…” M-E

***“Oh Kye, I have to say I COMPLETELY agree with M-E.

This guy is scary. Cap was right too....

I feel like there is little to add to the excellent analysis M-E provided, except for this one thing.

His Photo. Choosing to hide half his face in shadow, choosing to recline, smug smile in place... he is way too over confident, but his subconscious desire to keep his 'dark side' hidden is very worrisome, this shows in the photo.

He is good looking, in a Ted Bundy kind of way, and he knows it, he is used to getting his own way, as a direct result of those looks.

PLEASE, please, forget this one, altogether….”
Love Tye x

***“I agree with what Cap and Me said-
that "loves the GIRLS" statement really caught my eye. Ick, he loves ALL of them? Thinks he's a "player". And "girls" - disrespectful!~

Also, that photo alone gives me the creeps. Is that his trailer home or is he in hiding in some broken down old shed in the woods? The shadows are not helping either. I got a creepy feeling right off, just from the photo.

And here, a "white singlet" is called a "wife beater", as in, men who will be seen in their undershirt in public are tacky, beer-swilling and abusive oafs….”

But ALAS!! All is not abuse and porn… My cyber-super-pal Flatcoke, not recognizing me either, found me, well, this is what she said--

***“I give him 10 stars!!!

“He sounds romantic--loves to listen to the beat of your heart? WOW!

Go for it!!” --Flatcoke--

A man named “Hey There Skippy” was at least hopeful--

***”"I love girls and I love life"

So, he's straight and not a serial killer? Always a good start…”

Now of course, I had to step in and stick up for the poor sot. I ventured in with pokes of my own. I mean, come on, Ted Bundy? And the replies to my sticking up for this Mystery Man Number Three? Here--

***”Okay, Scott, if you like him so much, YOU date him! :) (Capricorn "Risk Exile")

It wasn't specific answers that bothered me - it was all of it taken together. I think the entire profile (not just random sentences) says something about him - something that bothered me.

Maybe I'm wrong. If you (Scott) had answered the same questions in the same way, it wouldn't have bothered me at all because I sort of know you (as much as you can know someone hundreds of miles away) and if you are evil, you hide it amazingly well…”

***“Scott... Be my guest. Let your sister or daughter date the bloke…”

And that my friends, is my cyber-dating tip for the month of March…


amusing said...

I used to wonder, as I sifted through the emails, if I was confusing the wheat and the chaff. Sometimes I would punt guys based on a bad shirt, or ugly upholstery on the couch they were sitting on. Who knows what hysterically funny stories I might have to share now if I had gone out with each and everyone of them.

And my friends were all convinced that most of them must be serial killers, rapists, lunatics, sex fiends, whatever to be doing internet dating. I pointed out that I was doing internet dating too..... (That argument never won them over....female=fodder, male=evildoer in need of fodder)

Sounds to me like the women were overreacting.

Hammer said...

I guess those answers do sound creepy.

The Japanese have the right idea. Before they do business with someone, they invite them to a bar and get them rip roaring on sake and sapporo. Alcohol brings out the truth of someones character more often than not.

Natalie said...

Okay, I've just got to say it, 'cause it was my first impression before I ever read the text. Here goes:

I thought he/you looked like Jeffrey Dahmer.

Not Ted Bundy. Jeffrey.

Sorry if I creeped you out.

Just sharin' the love... lol.

Actually, it's a very sexy pose.
For a serial killer.

kathi said...

I've spent quite a bit of time here, well....not like a whole day or anything, but enough to understand why Leesa's got you in the Blog Wars. Good stuff, funny stuff. Enjoyed you very much.

Nikky said...

Ok, maybe I am just a glutton for scary guys, but I thought the pic was DEAD SEXY... I did not read the whole profile, but judging by "their" replies, I thought they were overreacting.

You mean to tell me you did not rate one single "He looks good to me" ? Sad how some people judge based on such limited knowledge. Of course, I was willing to give "the guy in the pic" a shot just because of physical attraction, so I guess I am guilty of "profiling" as well.

Scott from Oregon said...

Amusing-- Yes'mam!

Hammer-- The Japanese have another thing-- what happens when you are drunk, stays there. They never use it against you in the office (well, almost never...especially the boss...)

Natalie-- Jeffrey got seated next to Lorena Bobbit at the Murderers And Mutilators Convention. He looked over at her plate... Know what he said?

"Hey, ya gonna eat that?"

Hi kathi! and thanks!

Cheesy said...

I'm with kath...I am kind of drawn to the pic.. but I'm a crazy hippy chick.. the setting appeals to me lol... but....

LOVED the last one LOLOL... evil my arse lol

Anonymous said...

Hey, I said you had nice forearms - which is a big compliment.

Oh, and you might have warned me that you were going to announce this to world before you actually did so!

amusing said...

The pic is hot; the problem is The Eyebrow. Look carefully. The way it's shaded in the photo, it definitely looks like an eyebrow that hears the voice of the devil. It doesn't even look like an eyebrow -- maybe a ufo, or a leech, or a Groucho moustache stuck in the wrong place. That shaded dark furrow is what spooked the fillies. Otherwise, you are a hot guy in a tent wondering if three hours after great sex is too soon to have more great sex.

Photoshop the eyebrow and the glint and I'll bet you get different results....

Leesa said...

Just wanted to stop by to tell you that Battle of the Blogs: Round 2 has started, and your blog is one of the ones still in the competition.

Leesa (

Stucco said...

That's fun. Axe murderers need love too. Don't forget the quicklime...

kario said...

Wow - methinks these women have too much time on their hands and a conspiracy-theory-complex. Get them out of the cyberworld and into the real world where they can find out about a potential date the real way - by spending time with him. Or just give a link to your blog (without the boob picture on top, of course) and they might change their tune.

Thanks for the laugh!

Jeannie said...

Honestly? - I would think anyone who'd post a picture like that would have to have a sense of humour. Wouldn't an axe murderer want to put on a good front? Mind you, a shave would be nice. Looks a little prickly...but I've been off the dating circuit for so long I haven't a clue what I'd think other than too young.

Tammie Jean said...

I guess the lesson here is that everything you say will be picked apart, analyzed, and interpreted in a way completely opposite of the way you meant it.

Although, I may have reacted the same way to "and very severe to all who deserve contempt." Those are very strong words. And "I love girls" does make you sound like a player.

I didn't have a problem with anything else you said.

When I was on (where I met my husband) I usually avoided anyone that seemed to be hiding in the shadows or under a hat in their photos. I preferred a clear photo so I could see the guy’s face, and especially his eyes. I think you can tell a lot about a person from their eyes.

I would have preferred your last photo, minus the jailhouse bars :)

Shephard said...

Scott, that's quite the experiment. It may also prove the limitations of psychoanalyzing with incomplete information! (that's the nice way to say it)

Thanks for the visit earlier.
I think your strategy is likely the smartest and most honest one!
You have a fun blog. Best of Luck!

Jean said...

I'd say all those young ladies got a gold star when they completed Psych 101... (sarcasm).

Anonymous said...

Sorry for not recognizing you...I'm gonna stick with my 10 stars.

JustCallMeJo said...

I don't know, I'm not seein what's wrong with the eyebrows.



p.s. What is it about eyebrows this week?

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, and the debate continues to rage.

Personally, I think you're a nice guy (as you know). You have to admit it... it was a great experiment!

CapricornCringe said...

Oh my God ... this is hysterically funny!!! You got me on this one, buddy.

However, in my defense, you ARE 44 and you DID post a picture that was more than 10 years old and you don't look like that anymore ... so I was sort of right, too. ;)

I'm still laughing ...