Tuesday, March 06, 2007

And I Ask Myself, "What Have I Won?"


I've never won anything.


Well, anything that didn't have everything to do with sports.


No raffle prizes. No "best recipe" contests. I'm NEVER the ninth caller. I'm never the 1,000th customer. I can't even draw the longest or shortest straw or pull my own name out of a hat. I never go home at the end of an evening with more than I started with. Somebody else always got the 25 pound turkey. That's why I don't gamble, or play poker. I figure, I might as well give the money straight to a worthy cause, and no, Lou's beer habit isn't a worthy cause...


Thinking back, the only "contest" I ever won that wasn't sporting was on a tourist island in Australia, where island girls made me sit still in a chair and put make-up on me and clip-on earrings and a large hippy dress. They made me parade around in front of drunk, slobbering judges while drunk tourist whooted, and I learned how difficult it was to "sashay"when your ribs made a straight line through your hips.


No curves no glory.


They voted me "Most Attractive Girl" and made me stand up in front of everyone and accept my prize, which was a pitcher of beer, which I was too bloated to drink already and had to share with the bastards who voted for me to begin with. So I am gonna say that didn't really count.


But now...


But now I have actually won round one of my head to head in Leesa's Battle Of The Blogs and have moved on to round two. My new EVIL NEMESIS, is a SoCal blogger named Shephard and her blog is called Shephard's Alley. Since she is a friendly EVIL NEMESIS, I would hope that ya'll would click the link and go over and offer her premature condolences and then read her blog.


After that, ya'll can click THIS LINK RIGHT HERE, and head on over to The Battle of The Blogs (and cast your vote for me!)


Remember, if I win, I'll share the pitcher of beer...

11 comments:

amusing said...

Inquiring minds want to know: a recipe contest? Like you ever entered one....pshaw. But if you did, what dish/recipe would you submit?

amusing said...

P.S. Scott? You are getting beat up in the Alley.... Time to let loose with the secret weapon.

Jeannie said...

you got my vote again

Allie D. said...

I'll vote for you anyway. :)

I used up all my good winning karma in one fell swoop... when I was eleven, I won $1000 in a bingo cover-all. That's pretty much it. Although I did win a hat at my favorite bar in a New Years Eve raffle this year.

Scott from Oregon said...

anusing--I would submit a marjoram, bacon and lemon zest white sauce...

secret weapon? That would be begging and begging and more begging...

Thanks jeannie and Allie!

tiffany said...

you know, you could also try to win the ass hat contest at wtb!?

i'm wandering around reminding people that the first round of entries are due on friday, but you made it easy for me because you were already talking about contests.
you were also second on the list...
i bet it won't all be this easy.

also, i've never heard of this battle of the blog thing, but i will go check it out (in your support) right now.

i love procrastinating.
too bad i've never found a prize for that.

Jean said...

She is no competition for ya.

I posted per your request...

Nikky said...

I actually checked out your competition in her bracket last week, I'm being good over there, not just voting for you and boobsinjuries...etc... I checked out all the competition, and voted in each one... except those few that BOTH of them did not appeal to me.(I didn't vote for either in that bracket, if memory serves)

I gotta say, this should be NO CONTEST, but I'm glad you're getting the word out to your faithful... Youre gonna have to pull out a 'come from behind' victory here, and I'm trying to help!!
Good Luck
(Oh, and thanks for the blog-link help, I got it done)

Lizza said...

Voted for you.

I never win anything either.

Cheesy said...

Ill bring the Pizza!

Shephard said...

Scott, lol... funny! You got everything right accept the "her" part. ;) Thanks for sending a few people my way. You have a great sense of humor.
~S