BLOG SLOGGING And Your Favorite Linky Tinks...
--It's My Uterus and I'll Cry If I Want To--
The anxiety attacks have begun.
I woke this morning, groggy and disoriented from lack of sleep, only to find that I'm still carrying a baby. I was pissed.
"I. CAN'T. BE. PREGNANT. ANY. LONGER. She is coming out today, Christopher."
"Hmm? Crystal, you're not due for-"
"Shut it. SHUT IT. I peed twelve times between the hours of nine p.m. and six a.m. How many times did you get up to pee? Did you have to roll to the side and use the wall in an intricate and difficult maneuver just to get your fat ass up out of bed? Is it hard for you to wipe? Do you strain on the potty for half an hour only to be rewarded with a poop bean? And all I can think of when that happens is, "Snatch the pebble from my ass, grasshopper". Do you know how twisted that is?" I was sobbing by now. "I'm not right in the head. I need to deliver before Harmony catches it and comes out crazy."
"Honey, calm down. It's okay. Maybe at your appointment tomorrow the doctor can stir some stuff up and get you laboring."
"You need to whack off a whole bunch and save it in a turkey baster. I need it to soften my cervix. I'll go get the turkey baster. You can get started right now."
OK. OK. OK. That amusing little snippet was not mine. How long did it take you to come to terms with that? I was going through my favorites stack, cleaning it out and placing all my collected links on my BLOWLOG blog, (on my sidebar) and if you have ever cleaned out a drawer you will probably relate to the moment when something catches your attention and instead of cleaning you find yourself reading?
This whole entry is wonderfully full of humor and anxiety and life that I wanted to spread it around by posting and pointing here.
here is the link--
The anxiety attacks have begun.
I woke this morning, groggy and disoriented from lack of sleep, only to find that I'm still carrying a baby. I was pissed.
"I. CAN'T. BE. PREGNANT. ANY. LONGER. She is coming out today, Christopher."
"Hmm? Crystal, you're not due for-"
"Shut it. SHUT IT. I peed twelve times between the hours of nine p.m. and six a.m. How many times did you get up to pee? Did you have to roll to the side and use the wall in an intricate and difficult maneuver just to get your fat ass up out of bed? Is it hard for you to wipe? Do you strain on the potty for half an hour only to be rewarded with a poop bean? And all I can think of when that happens is, "Snatch the pebble from my ass, grasshopper". Do you know how twisted that is?" I was sobbing by now. "I'm not right in the head. I need to deliver before Harmony catches it and comes out crazy."
"Honey, calm down. It's okay. Maybe at your appointment tomorrow the doctor can stir some stuff up and get you laboring."
"You need to whack off a whole bunch and save it in a turkey baster. I need it to soften my cervix. I'll go get the turkey baster. You can get started right now."
OK. OK. OK. That amusing little snippet was not mine. How long did it take you to come to terms with that? I was going through my favorites stack, cleaning it out and placing all my collected links on my BLOWLOG blog, (on my sidebar) and if you have ever cleaned out a drawer you will probably relate to the moment when something catches your attention and instead of cleaning you find yourself reading?
This whole entry is wonderfully full of humor and anxiety and life that I wanted to spread it around by posting and pointing here.
here is the link--
http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/2006/12/its-my-uterus-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to.html
Which brings me to my second piece of business. What is your SECRET STASH? What website do you hold the key to that you find funny or well written or relevant or just plain likable?
In other words, if you got some goods, how about sharing them?
Which brings me to my second piece of business. What is your SECRET STASH? What website do you hold the key to that you find funny or well written or relevant or just plain likable?
In other words, if you got some goods, how about sharing them?
THE LINKS SO FAR--
To Throw Away A Button-- http://eylsianillusion.blogspot.com/
This Circus I Call My Life--http://thiscircusicallmylife.blogspot.com/
Putrid.com--http://putrid.com/
Miss Doxie--http://www.missdoxie.com/
Where The Hell Was I?-- http://www.wherethehellwasi.com/
9 comments:
You can deny all you want, but I'm thinking you are in fact preggers. And, as a defense, I didn't know you nine months ago mister! :P
Oh also- Stucco is a fine name for a boy (*hint hint*)
"To Throw Away A Button" Esereth. Who just happened to have a baby yesterday, and blogged while in labor. She's one of the most intelligent bloggers out there.
http://thiscircusicallmylife.blogspot.com/
This kid amuses me sometimes, but sometimes he can be a real prick... guess it depends on my mood. He's not on my "read daily" list, more like every couple of days or so, but he does have some amusing stuff, for a kid his age (I assume he's very low 20's, possibly even 18 or 19)
BTW, I just spent 2 hours at the boobs, injuries and dr pepper one... it's been added to my blog reading list now, she is hilarious!! I almost wet myself laughing with her tale of wetting herself!
putrid.com
The guy hasn't updated for a while but I still think it's funny.
www.missdoxie.com
I found her through Miss Devylish. Blazingly funny, absolutely gorgeous, and she draws.
One of her dogs just died though, so right now...well, you know.
Stucco- if I were pregnant I would be the first to sell my story to the tabloids, I swear.
And stucco is a great name if you are a wall...
The rest of ya'll... Thank you for those links. I agree with all of them. Now... the rest of you slackers....
I couldn't possibly be your secret link?
I LOVE CRYSTAL. I had it figured it out in about two sentences (of course, I just came from reading her too)
Oh lawrd I ADORE Crystal's site... I lurk there daily!
oops forgot my link lol
funny stories and all around nice read
http://www.wherethehellwasi.com/
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