Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Elevating My Threshhold Of Pain To A New Level--

Posted by Picasa This isn't that recent, so yes, I am OK. This was a last year's booboo.

A nailgun capable of nailing together two by fours weighs about twelve or fifteen pounds. It has a small nose where you can aim it by placing the nose on the wood and pulling the trigger. If you drop it from ten feet up and it lands directly on its nose on your toe, your toe will look like this. This is a classic photo of the effect of a cause. You can't get much more classic than this. The cause-- a fifteen pound nailgun being knocked off of its ten foot high perch and landing, tiny nose first, directly on your toe. The effect-- is plainly seen here.

If you drop a transmission on your pinky, it will explode like an orange stepped on by an elephant. I have prood of that too, but I didn't take a picture. I superglued the whole thing back together instead. Did you know you have tiny bits of fat inside your fingers? I learned that one night on a cold garage floor. "Wow..." I said. "Look at that fat..."

If you have a piece of steel wire go in one side of your hand and not come out for quite sometime-- and I mean, like three inches later, you will have to get a pair of plyers and pull it out if you are by yourself and don't have a friend to pull it for you. That's a fact. You can eliminate infection if you take a new blade from your roofing knife and slit both ends open wide enough to allow for oozing. You can also continue working if you just wrap the whole thing in toilet paper and duct tape. The toilet paper acts as padding and an absorption material and the duct tape is like a semi-hard protective shell that keeps the toilet paper in place.

Taking a two-pound piece of steel and attaching it to a wooden handle to give you extra leverage and velocity and then striking your thumb with it so that it swells and needs lancing, and then lancing the nail and hitting it again with the same piece of steel on the same wooden handle, on a day where the tmperaure never rose above 35 degrees F., is a sure way to bring tears to ones eyes.

Taking a fourteen pound sledge hammer and driving it directly into your shin because it just happened to glance off of what you meant to really whack, will make you dance funny for a bit and unexplained expletives will scurry forth from your open mouth like rats out of a wet hole in a flood.

Being shot in the back by a sixteen penny nail gun that double-fired off of wooden framing and sent its second shot your way, hitting point first and sort of sticking there while you had no idea that such a rude event was about to occer, will make one flail like Joe Cocker at a microphone.

Odd isn't it?

12 comments:

Stucco said...

I see surgical duct tape in our future. Hell, they've medicated crazy glue- it's not so outlandish.

Flat Coke and Flies said...

You are what keeps people like me in a job!!!

ammogirl said...

And those kinds of things are what keep me from building things. Well, that, and the fact that I'm a girl, and therefore do not have the manly man gene for it. And, I'm a klutz.

And maybe a few more, but I have to go get ready for work.

Tisty said...

a please go back to talking about icky girl feelings. This manly perfereation fest has unsttled my lunch. And that photo...... *Shudder*. Why take a photo of it?????

Hammer said...

I've had hammer incidents where I've knocked the flesh off side of my thumb off where it hung in a sad bloody mess

Goldenseal powder and duct tape fixed it with no scar.

Lizza said...

Ouuuuch! :-(

kario said...

When my children hurt themselves over and over again in incidents similar to this, I threaten to make them suit up with bike helmets and bubble wrap (mummy-like) before they are allowed out the door. I have reams of bubble wrap - should I send it to you?

Scott from Oregon said...

Surgical duct tape? For the Bile duct?

Missy Flat Coke-- You would be starving if you relied on me for income. No broken bones, and only two genuine visits to the Doc in 25 years... Stitches are handled with super glue and all those other aches and pains, 800mg. Motrin. Got any ya wanna sell?

Tisty-- you noticed the Yang in my Yin, did you?

Goldenseal and bubble wrap. Nope. Not in my first aid kit...

Be safe out there, kiddies!

Maggie said...

I wretched, literally wretched. I would never make it in a medical field. The only time I don't wooze about at the sight of injuries and blood is when it is appended to or coming from one of my children. Then I have no choice but swallow down the bile and deal.

I think your body would like a no construction zone for Christmas, what do you think?

Scott from Oregon said...

Well, Maggie, having beens girlfriendless for coming up upon a year, I'm gonna have to beg to differ, respectfully, of course...

I wanna put the X back in Xmas, if you know what I mean...

CapricornCringe said...

I thought (liquid) Goldenseal was supposed to detox THC for drug tests. I mean .. I've heard that. Of course I wouldn't know.

Little Miss Kylie said...

Just so you know... I hate feet.

Eeeewwwww!