Thursday, October 19, 2006

Beefsteaks And Heirlooms And A Handful Of Poppers...

Posted by Picasa Beefstakes and heirlooms and a handful of poppers

They burst in your mouth and they go on your Whoppers

You put them in stew and you sauce up your wings,

Trees are not new and so aren't these darn things...

When the frost bites

When the leaves fall

You know they are done

But miracle grow and some dirt full of shit...

and homegrown tomatoes will make you feel rich...

if there's sun...


OK. So how many put tomatoes together with The Sound Of Music? And not just any music either. You know, THE SOUND OF MUSIC. With Julie Andrews and that cute pixie haircut?

Three of you?

This was the extent of our homegrown tomatoes. I don't even try with tomatoes anymore. Not up here. Not after having lived in northern California where conditions were so perfect you could grow ten foot high plants if you supported them.

These were volunteers. I asked for volunteers and this is all I got. A handful of volunteers.

What ever happened to the glory of the golden good? Was that just a bumper sticker waiting to peel?

Wouldn't it be cool if these were beefstakes and my hand was indeed that big? Don't argue with me. That would be cool. Just the one hand, mind you. I'd need the other for smaller task like getting spoons out of the disposal and wearing watches.

I'd make a hell of an outfielder. I'd make a good traffic cop. I'd be pretty good at slamming my fist down on a table to make a point.

Which reminds me. I need a point, don't I?

Screw it. Not today.

I once wrote a bumper sticker that said--

Shit Happens? Was That

Just Another Movement?

My friend told me he lost his big magnet that he uses to clean up job sites with. A big magnet tied to a rope that you swing along the ground to pick up all the nails.I told him to tie a rope around a big piece of iron and walk around his yard. He'd probably find it.

A couple of knuckleheads ran through our fence the other day. This is the fourth time since my Mum and her husband bought the place. It is right on a country corner. The first rain and when it snows are the times most likely. Knuckleheads seem to pick the most likely times. And the odd thing is, they ALL looked like knuckleheads. Every one of them. I didn't realize so many knuckleheads were behind the wheels of cars.

The first time it happened, I happened to be visiting for the evening. A couple of knuckleheads took out the fence and a twenty five year old fir tree. They were in a hurry to get out of here, so we called the Sherriff. Be nice to me and I'll be nice to you. The Sherriff asked me what the guy driving looked like and I told him.

"He looked like a knucklehead."

The sherriff laughed.

"Just go down there and look for a knucklehead trying to pull branches off his car."

The guy went to jail on warrants and I had to fix the fence myself.

Now I make the person who ran into it fix it. I tell them the same story. Lots of people hit the fence. If they fix it, I don't call the Sherriff and I don't go looking for them. I give my best demented look and it has worked so far.

We'll see if I get home tomorrow to find a fixed or broken fence. I wish I had that big hand I'm dreaming of...

When you grow your own food, you tend to eat more vegetables. This is an observable fact not often considered in schools.

The rains have finally come to Southern Oregon. I look forward to the greening of the grass but not the rain gear we put on at work...

The fence is not fixed and I am waiting for the weekend to call the Sherriff. I want to be relaxed and with no obligations when he comes, so I can be nice to him. I am debating whether to lie and say the two young guys that ran into my fence ran off. They were trying to. But I went out and said howdy, and they had no choice but to stay and say howdy back. They promised to come back and fix the fence but it has now been four days.

There are only two things that money can't buy.

And that's true love and home grown tomatoes...

9 comments:

Kris, Seattle said...

Latitude isn't a problem for our tomato production. Our crop was HUGE this year, and still is, regardless of variety. Must have to do with how good the shit is in our soil. Most of our plants tower above me, held erect by stringing them up to a large trellis system.

If it makes you feel better, we only got about 4 raspberries all year though from three plants. At least that is what I was told.

Anonymous said...

I don't get enough sun in my yard for tomatoes, but if I did, it would be fresh marinara, salsa, and gazpacho 24/7. I only buy fresh tomatoes when they are in season, or when the farmer's markets are open.

Now that window is closed. On with winter. Oh well... at least there'll be fresh citrus.

PS- loved the iron finding the magnet bit. Does he have an iron skillet? ;)

Flat Coke and Flies said...

I love the movie Fried Green Tomatos, and I love to eat them too. The south is great for gardening.

Hope someone fixes your fence.

carol said...

fence fixed yet? by the way,I ran 26 km this morning.I suppose the wet weather has further delayed your apotheosis into Pheidippides??

Scott from Oregon said...

All Right carol. You're starting to make me look bad...

Yep. Did my first run last night. Short, but it was in MILES, not kilometers, and it was after throwing around 75 pound sheets of inch and an eighth plywood all bloody day...

This morning, the tops of my feet hurt from stretching them upward.

If I am not walking tomorrow, I'll blame you, OK?


Gouda-- that's one of those good ideas that just makes everybody smile.

Flat coke--Luther Burbank said our old growing place was better, neener neener...

kris-- good to see you around here giving this place a nice new tone...

Southern Oregon soil has specific minerals in it that tomatoes hate. You have to import all your soil for every plant.

great for trees, though, apparently.

Shirley said...

I can't grow tomatoes in my area of Northern California. I'm too close to the ocean. If I moved a few blocks east I probably could. As much as I love tomatoes fresh off the vine, I think I like the sight, the sound and the smell of the ocean better. At least I get that all year around.

Yeah! It's good to see you, Kris.

Flat Coke and Flies said...

He died in 1926, our climate has changed since then. And how many gardens did he actually grow in TENNESSEE himself with his own bare hands? Huh? Huh?

Kris, Seattle said...

Hi Shirley,
Yes, we'd happily trade the tomatoes for being within sight of the ocean or Puget Sound, though I'm sure hubby would just adjust his propagation operation accordingly. The tomatoes are a bit of an obsession for him. I should disclose that they aren't actually grown in NW soil. He grows them in very large containers that are enriched with compost every year. He says to plant very early, plant very deep, and even though they don't get all-day sun, they get some afternoon sun and the added heat of being in next to the warmest wall of the house. All our friends and neighbors get some and we both eat some almost every day for months. I think we had just seven plants this year. This year they were sweeter than ever. Very yummy.

Kris, Seattle said...

Oh, and Scott, I keep forgetting to tell you in my earlier comments...

Yes I named that tune in just the first two lines, and that's NOT the first time I've named that same tune in just the first two lines. Remember?