Friday, June 23, 2006

A Genuine Irish Genius, Eight Guinnesses, and a Texan


A Texan on a visit to Ireland walked into a corner pub and started boasting. Eventually, his boasts led to a fight over the best beer, and then to a challenge by the Texan...

"I'll wager 500 dollars of Yankee Cash that none of you Irish braggarts can knock back eight Guinnesses back to back!"

The place grew quiet. A small and sinewy Irishman slinked out of the bar in the silence, and the Texan raised his glass and gloated. "Just as I thought! A bunch of Euroweenies who can't stand up to the challenges of a Yank!"

About twenty minutes pass. The Texan is making an obnoxious fool of himself, rubbing the failed challenge into the pubbers' noses and flashing around five 100 dollar bills...

The sinewy Irishman staggered back into the bar.

"I'll take that challenge!" he yelled, stumbling as he approached. The Texan, always one for grandstanding and pretending to be larger than life, held high the five hundred in cash and proclaimed loudly to the interested crowd. "I accept your challenge! Eight Guinesses back to back!"

The sinewy Irishmam staggered up to the bar. One... two... three... and then four beers down and still swilling, five... six... the crowd cheering him on... seven... EIGHT!! Eight beeers back to back! The crowd erupted. The Texan grew stern and officious.

"Tell me, I insist," said the Texan. "Before I give you this cash. You ran out of here not twenty minutes ago. Surely you must tell me where you went and how did you prepare for this amazing feat?"

"Prepare?" quieried the sinewy, legless Irishman. " I didn't. I just went to the pub across the road there."

"To purge yourself?" asked the Texan.

"No. To knock back eight Guinesses, back to back..."

"What?"

"I just wanted to see if I could do it!"



SHAR TELLS US THIS TALE OF URINATION--

shar said...
Something similar.I walked into my regular joint and got my usual pint of Carlsberg and another, and another, and another...A couple of hours later, this bloke who's been sitting and chatting with me at the bar counter ordered two mugs for me when I stepped into the little boys room. So I asked him "Why two?" "Well, I noticed that you specifically ordered Carlsberg when you came in. Not just any beer but Carlsberg. Now there's two mugs in front of you, one is Carlsberg and the other is not. Can you tell me which one is which?"Sounds like a challenge, right. So I took a sip from one, then the other and back to the first one. Several sips later, I had to confess to this bloke that I couldn't tell the difference. Somehow, he was elated with my conclusion and told the barkeep that I can have all the beers that I can down for the night on his tab plus he'll pay for the ones I had earlier.Much, much later after he left, I asked the barkeep who the bloke was."That guy's from Anchor brewery. He ordered TWO Anchors for you back then, you've been drinking it since".

6 comments:

shar said...

Something similar.
I walked into my regular joint and got my usual pint of Carlsberg and another, and another, and another...

A couple of hours later, this bloke who's been sitting and chatting with me at the bar counter ordered two mugs for me when I stepped into the little boys room. So I asked him "Why two?"

"Well, I noticed that you specifically ordered Carlsberg when you came in. Not just any beer but Carlsberg. Now there's two mugs in front of you, one is Carlsberg and the other is not. Can you tell me which one is which?"

Sounds like a challenge, right. So I took a sip from one, then the other and back to the first one. Several sips later, I had to confess to this bloke that I couldn't tell the difference. Somehow, he was elated with my conclusion and told the barkeep that I can have all the beers that I can down for the night on his tab plus he'll pay for the ones I had earlier.

Much, much later after he left, I asked the barkeep who the bloke was.
"That guy's from Anchor brewery. When he ordered TWO Anchors for you back then, you've been drinking it since".

Damn!

Scott from Oregon said...

Brazil are about to play England in a World Cup group game.

Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're shite and we can't be bothered".
Ronaldo looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Ronaldo goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the
landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldo 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone
remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They
put the teletext on.
"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldo 10 minutes) - England 1".
They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes.

carol said...

great to find you again Scott! while I try to think of an anecdote,I'll just mention,as this is a beer thread,that my husband's 40th birthday party ended in time-honoured fashion the other night with him passed out on the bed,me removing his shoes and apologising to the remainder of our guests.though we were down to the serious drinkers by then.we still have a barrel of heineken in the fridge..bye for now.

Scott from Oregon said...

Welcome carol. I could use a bit of feminine tale every now and then. Tell me a tale. Bring your friend's tales. Steal one from your local mechanic if you have to...

Heck, go out and do a group hug haranguey thingy and bring in all the tales you can find...

I was hoping to make this website about "us", and am in need of a few collective individuals to constitute an "us"...

Wanna be an "us"?

Know any more "Us"'s?

Is your drunk husband an "us"?

Scott

PeteS said...

Ok Scottie ... you asked for it... a genuine politically incorrect Irish one.

Three mature Irish gents are down the pub for a jar. The sixty year old comes back from a visit to the loo and strikes up a conversation. "Hey lads, have ya noticed how yer oul' plumbin' starts to give way on ya when ya hit sixty. I do have to strain someting terrible in de john to make anyting happen".

The seventy year old has his own tale of woe. "Forget about de plumbin'. When ya hit seventy yer oul' bowel starts to give up de ghost. It's a terrible ting having to double over for a good hour to get it to perform, and de oul' eyesight isn't even good enough to read de papers while yer at it".

The eighty year old chimes in. "Youze lads don't know anyting. Yer problems really start at eighty. Yeh do start fallin' apart altogether".

The sixty year old nods knowingly. "Is it the oul' plumbin' works, is it?"

"No, not at all" says the eighty year old. "I do have a good long pee every morning at six o'clock, regular as clockwork".

"Is it de rear passage then?", asks the seventy year old.

"Not a bit of it" says the eighty year old. "Every morning at six o'clock, soft and regular, without exception".

"What's yer problem then?" ask the other two, puzzled.

"De problem is I don't wake up until eight".

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